pthalo-alkadette (ombrage) wrote,

So I've been signed up for my Ph.D. since June (applied in February, interviewed in April) and I still don't have any idea of the timeline for what needs to happen before I'll know when I start.

The other potential topic's funding has finally been rejected, and I still completely hate where I am until mid-September, so at least I know I'm on the right track.

I'm with my parents until the end of the month. My parents are very childish and strange. I'm having trouble working on my report. The annexes are doomed, but is the report? Is the tropical storm going to take out our power in addition to making my dad work on his day off and keeping my mom home on Monday?

I need to know what I can do now to ensure things are moving along. I have the feeling that the answer is nothing, until my master is over with and done. I need to do at least one more interview in Paris - when, and how many? I need to know when I'll be back stateside and when I'll be starting my thesis work. Whether I can enroll in any classes first semester. What kind of money I'll be making. What paperwork I'll have to do. Everything is expiring. What my insurance will cover, because I need to see some doctors. I'll need to start my apartment hunt from temporary lodgings. When will I have a mailing address? When will I buy my first toaster? When will I have a bike?

I haven't danced in a year. I haven't even stretched, really. When will I get back into the swing of things? I've put on more weight than I ever have since I stopped growing, which is still basically nothing, but I've never had issues with it before. This is the first time I have ever really had no idea what size pants to try on in a store. One time in 8th grade or something I went to the Gap and couldn't fit into size 00 pants yet, but at least I knew I could still buy pants in the children's section. Now I'm like haha I'm fat but weigh less than my mother ever did at her skinniest, the only time in her adult life that her BMI has been within the "normal" range, in college, when they called her "Sumo" and "Thunder-Thighs". J'aime la folle cruauté des chimères qu'on apprivoise.

I had my vacation. Hot beaches after a waste land. Caught glimpses of people that come and go but you haven't seen the last of them. My grandma is very depressing. How can she possibly be happy living as she does?

When will I feel safe? When I finish this goddamn master? When I have my visa? When I have an apartment to call my own? When I have some money and a room of my own?
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